inevitably cycles tend to due just that, cycle. Each time I pass by some familiar moment i either reminisce or fret about it. For what has been going on days now, i have wanted to pour my mind onto the screen about a Furry Fox and a Pair of Eagles, yet i keep getting diverted? Driving home tonight i realized; what was possibly going on, had to do with my inability to get my thoughts out. I guess i may have these other mental dilemmas stacking up, which are corrupting my connection to the images of the animals i want to get at. Reminds me of the codex the computer geeks use to scramble video data, only problem is they know the code and I haven't been versed in it.

i have made thousands of choices, millions, trillions--- well lots of them, over my time. In the early years i was so confident; that a second guess never occurred, even knowing that all of them weren't good ones, i still never hesitated. I basically just relied on the mental odds and was willing to hash out the errors as best i could. Lately i see how much damage that technique created amidst the flow of my river of intent, and i debate when can i actually trust my intuition? God has been so faithful to make all i do, come to a point of purpose and goodness in His will/plan, yet i know i am accountable all the same, to actuate my decisions in the best concordance of Him as I can. The hurts of being left when i need help most have only happened by others, God has a way of catching me when my knees buckle, just in time. He stands beside me when i am at full strength and have a strong stride going. Still when i am trying to place my hope and faith in someone to love it doesn't bode well when the buckle comes.  People get the best love from each other when they are simply living together on the same boat going to the same place. Of course that place has to be God's House or else it wont work :).  So why then will those same people guide my hand towards something they seek? Should we guide our own hands and just let that action be the guide to those around us? I love and want to honor others' concern and direction, but i can't tell what their motive is and I know I can't trust my own choices always, so how can i trust theirs? I truly know i can trust God, but what about when i am hearing Him in my own petition and not His revelation? Either way, He calls me to Faith and I will resound my love and belief in Him all the while i fret over these pressures of self and others which makes me wishy washy!!! Drats, that is exactly what I don't want to be!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well I was driving home last Thursday about 4pm on the edge of town, but more so in the Hills, when a brilliant Red Fox the size of a medium to large dog bounded out into my lane. He looked right at my eyes as he pounced (wait that's only for cats) as he again bounded to the next lane of traffic where a vehicle coming the other way locked up its brakes and the noise of the tires dragging on the pavement forced the fox's neck to spin round at which point his body came to a sudden halt right there in the road. I stopped my car by this time and was just observing every detail of the moment with a calm embrace of what God was sharing with me. He has blessed me so often with amazing interaction to His creation that i just drop all my thoughts and pay attention when it happens. The Fox pondered for such a short moment, but i could tell it was an eternity to him, and them he twirled around with his claws scraping the pavement and leaped back where he had come from. In a frantic effort he sped his way up the rough slope to my right and found a temporary haven or better yet, vantage, to recollect himself. I could still see his eyes and almost feel his heart beat. As I drove on to my house so many thoughts bounced around till before i knew it, i was thinking about who knows what and for why! Didn't really give it any more thought. Saturday I was sitting at home reading this amazingly deep book about the evidences of our God and the truth of creation and Christ's life and salvation for us. Dr Guliuzza from church, gave the book to me in a very random manner during the previous week's church service, which somehow was just what needed to happen in order for my attention to be directed at actually picking it up and reading it. Thank you God for little things and your intimate knowledge of my inner most quirks and hang ups!! Anyhow, I got a call from my mom that Maranda (my sister), my dad and herself were all meeting for some tasty vittles at the Saigon restaurant and she wanted to know if i was able to come. I lept at the idea knowing that i needed to get going anyhow, because at 7pm we were going to have a prayer gathering at the church and i really was looking forward to it. Note, while reading in the book, i came to a full pouring out of tears down my cheeks, no sobbing, just rivers of tears flowing out. I have had this happen many times before, when I am in the midst of the Holy Spirit, so i wasn't in general shock, just mystified by the timing. The reading was just such clear understandings and well worded relations of the overwhelming truth of Jesus and all He did, does and will do. I am utterly grateful and humbled by it all and can't even try to express it. So again, off to meet the family I went and i am thinking it was about 3-ish in the afternoon. Coming off a hill nearing the towns edge, i was looking at a vantage of this large reddish-orange cliff of limestone and high above it were these massive figures against the vivid blue skyline. I immediately locked onto a pair of brilliant white heads and tails which were outliers of a pair of ominously large black bodies. These two Eagles were not the size of the ones i have seen in the past around the Black Hills, more like a pair of vastly transient creatures who came from, only God knows where. Each one was banking in perfectly, fast, slow motion with the other, it wasn't something that made sense, yet it did. The strength and purpose of their togetherness, won my emotion and thought with dazzling abruptness. Immediately i realized i was driving over the exact same spot where my buddy the Fox had experienced his turmoil and frustration just a day or so earlier. I couldn't help but think introspectively on my own being a bit, comparing the trials of that Fox amidst the hectic and unforgiving; almost alien surroundings, he found himself in while trying to get across the road. My introspect led me to the notion that i am here on this earth, which is my road to cross, and i feel just like he did so many times. Yet still I find myself hurling back and forth between all the decisions "I" have control over. In every one I get the same results, just different degrees of the different variables. A little more safety, but less of my hearts desire if i go this way; and more of the goal (i think i need) laced with fear and anxiety, if i go that way and so on and so on. The entirety of these thought proceses occur in a blink of an eye while my mind is busy just visually downloading all the images as they occur simultaneously relating them to the ones from before. Like the drawing force a light has on our eyes in a dark and deep vast night sky, my mind lept to the Eagles and their presence in what was basically the same place as the Fox. They would've been able to  see everything that had happened to the Fox, and been able to get involved with him had they chosen, but they also had the option of separation from the ordeal. When God opened the eyes of my heart and let me see Him and know Him, the Holy Spirit came to live in me. I think that is when i got my wings and also got my gift of separation from the inherent chaos my life can fall into. When I pray in Jesus name by the power of the Holy Spirit to My Father in Heaven, I am lifted high to a place where I can circle with GOD and see all of the mayhem below with clear resolve. My love of the souls below, who resemble the Fox, from this view is vastly stronger. I see so clearly how hard they strive to get what they are after when it isn't even there to be got. When i forget to pray and live in the truth which i have received, i drift lower and lower untill all i can see, is two dimensions being, what lay in front of me and that which lay behind. This whole loss of a dimension is my trap and prison where any cycle will still be just a fruitless yearning for what isn't even there. Father God, i want to think of You and know You and be lifted to where You soar and the cycles are true spirals of growth towards Your eternity. Eagles mate for life as I am His for life!!!!!!!!!! and then some!!!!!!!!!!!! Its the "and then some" where i will keep my eyes, not on the things of this world, like the fox when he loooked into my eyes.

~Isaiah 40:21-22
²¹ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
²² He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.


 ~Isaiah 40:31
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 103

Of David.
¹ Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.